You see each other, you like what you see and you talk some, you find that there’s a connection between you and you get to know each other better, you start dating and before you know it you are in a relationship. Like all relationships, you have your good times and your bad times. I do not know if your relationship had problems or whether he thought everything was going well. And then, for whatever reason, you hurt him. And somehow, you want to get him back after hurting him deeply.
Obviously you have realized, maybe a bit to late that you love him and that you think that your relationship still has some potential. Before you speak to him, before you apologize to him, before you make your promises, you need to know why you hurt him. It could have been a stupid mistake or was it more? For you to hurt him like that there has to have been some problems in your relationship that steered you towards what you did. Relationship issues are not an excuse, what you did was of your own free will, but you do need to deal with them or else your relationship won’t stand a chance.
Why do you want to be with him?
Does he still want to be with you?
If you want to get him back after hurting him deeply, then you need to be sure that he’s the one. You hurt him bad, and he will be going through an emotional rollercoaster, he will be nervous about trusting you again, so when you try to get him back you have to come across as 100% certain that your relationship is meant to be. If you have any doubts your body language will give you away.
When you enter into a relationship, you give your trust to your partner, after all, you cannot build a relationship without trust. As you get to know each other more that trust is either increased or diminished, depending on your experiences of that person. Even something as simple as saying that you’ll take out the trash and then doing it, increases trust. Every time that you say that you’ll do something, you give your word. Every time that you keep your word, your partners trust in you increase a fraction. Although trust is the foundation that underpins your relationship, it is also a very fragile thing. When you shatter the trust in your relationship, you destroy something that might never be rebuilt.
When you destroy the trust in your relationship, your relationship will never be the same again. Restoring his trust in you will be a long process, and if you want your relationship to survive you have to do what it takes to win it back. You have lost the right to be automatically trusted, you have to earn his trust back. On a more positive note, if you both work at healing your relationship, it can become stronger than it was before all of this started.
You need to give him time to work through his emotions, trying to talk things through when you are both emotionally fraught is only going to make things worse.
To get him back after hurting him deeply, you have to show that you can be trusted, and that you understand the hurt that you have done to him. You need to take responsibility for your actions and admit to what you have done. You need to tell him everything, if he is still left with questions unanswered he will not get closure, and he will be suspicious of your motives. When you apologize you need to let him know that you will never do it again, and show how you understand how you have hurt him.
While you are talking about what you did, it is a good time to look at why you did it, and any relationship issues that could have pushed you in that direction. You need to deal with your issues in a way that you are both happy with. Talk about the future of your relationship, talk about what you will do to regain his trust, and if there is anything that he wants you to do.
If he needs to look at your phone records or your emails, if he needs to know who you are with or what you are doing, then let him know. If you say that you will do something then do it. Every action that you take that reaffirms his faith in you, will rebuild the trust.
If you can get him back after hurting him deeply, then you can use what has happened as the springboard to reinvigorate your relationship. Do what you can to make your relationship the best that you can. By being totally honest about what you do, and sharing you life with him, you can graduate to the point of sharing your lives together. If you both love each other, and you are both committed to healing and rebuilding the relationship, then you have a chance to build something special.